Once upon a time, there was a little girl who lived in a small town in southern Indiana. She lived in a grand, old Victorian house on Main Street and the window in her room overlooked that very street. Her Dad had built her a dreamy little window seat in which she’d escape to to read her favorite books, or spend time drawing or yes, even writing in her journal.

On winter days, she’d pile all the pillows around her so that it was almost as if she created a safe little cocoon of coziness. And on summer days, she’d open the windows and listen to the world outside.

She always felt she was a little different. She looked for meaning in songs, in books, in art, in movies, in nature. She was hyper aware of other’s feelings and thoughts, and was labeled ‘sensitive’ as if it were a trait to be ashamed of. Her Grandmother noticed these things about her and celebrated them. She told her she was special, just the way she was. Because that’s the type of person her Grandmother was. She paid attention to all the little details of the people in her life. She made each of her grandchildren feel special.

In time, the little girl grew to be an older teenager who sort of forgot who she really was. She leaned into self-doubt and comparison, and felt like she wasn’t enough. She worried she wasn’t pretty enough, smart enough, athletic enough, funny enough. She stopped writing in her journals as often and started keeping all the hard, confusing feelings inside. She’d smile for the whole world, but worried she was being judged or not measuring up to people’s standards. Some days, friends or family would remind her that it was okay to be herself. That they actually loved her for all her quirks and traits. And her Grandmother would remind her she was loved & special, just the way she was. She had an incredible family and friends who knew & loved her and she was grateful. But, like so many her age, she couldn’t escape the feelings that she didn’t measure up.

More time went by, and she headed off to college. She found so many truths there. She started journaling more. She leaned into friends that became family. She discovered what true love was. She realized that nature was healing and good therapy for her soul. She opened her mind to all sorts of big ideas. She started fully leaning into all that she was and found that people actually appreciated her for it.

Once she left college, she soon married. She had found someone who loved her fully and wholeheartedly. Someone who saw her quirks and embraced them. And she finally felt safe and at home. They soon had babies and she discovered that being a mother was something that filled her cup more than she’d ever thought possible. She loved holding those sweet babes and singing to them and pouring everything she had into them. She found meaning and worth from being their mother. She also knew that in time, they’d grow and find their way in the world and though that was sad, it also made her heart swell with pride.

She busied herself with life for the next nearly 20 years with parenting, being a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister, with work and all the things that fall upon the shoulders of such. And sometime within those years, she started to lean into herself more. She started saying & doing things that felt right and true to her. She painted and created and leaned into her bittersweet self. She remembered what it was like to lean into all that she was. She laughed more. She read more books. She traveled more. She loved being in awe at the beauty of new landscapes & places. She had discussions with others that she would have shied away from before. She leaned into deep friendships. She found joy in all the places that she could. She tried things that may have scared her 20 years ago. She learned to trust her gut and her instincts.

And one day she woke up, and she was 45.

On that morning, she sat with her gratitude journal and wrote all the things she was thankful for and found that her heart & eyes started to well up.

She had lived the most beautiful life thus far. And she took all of those big feelings & thoughts in. She took in a long, deep breath and was truly thankful for each and every minute & moment of those 45 years. She’d had joys and sorrows. She’d experienced her fair share of heartbreak. But she also had experienced love, laughter, wonder, courage, pride and so much more. She’d lost people she loved but she honored them every day by living into traits that she loved about them. She looked at the community that surrounded her that consisted of family and friends and she was overwhelmed.

And she wondered, if she woke up every morning with this type of reflection on her heart & mind–how much more meaningful would her days be? When one feels at peace with the present and thankful for the lessons of the past, then the mind & heart feels full, content & whole.

And she knew in her heart that she finally felt she was enough. In fact, she knew she was more than enough–she was exactly who she was made to be and she was ready for all that was ahead of her, God willing, in her next 45 years. And she was going to live her life like every day counted.

Wholeheartedly 45.